I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
