That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
