If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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