I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I love having hate sex.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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