i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
