what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
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