I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
