I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
