hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I think my vagina is haunted
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
