you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
