Old men and throwing up are my life now.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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