i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Randomize
