So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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