What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
