i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
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