you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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