omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
