my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
