i would punch a child for taco bell
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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