I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
