just tell him i said nine months
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
