You work out of a Hotel?
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize