Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
