You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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