so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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