i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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