you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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