I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize