is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
foreskin is a definite game changer
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
