The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
