I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Randomize
