Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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