Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
How's work?
Spinning.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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