I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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