On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Plan B is the new Plan A
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
