Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
