Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Randomize
