what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
