In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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