I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
