theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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