I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
