Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize