my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Randomize
