Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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