Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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