just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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