i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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