dude i'm inner monologue high
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Randomize
