I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
