Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
