i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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