I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize