Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
