I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Randomize
