They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
