I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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