yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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