Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
