i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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