I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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