And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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