College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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