ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
