I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
